Tale of the Goat
by Impersonating-an-entity
Summary: The story of the fallen Azezel, as well as in later chapters his friend, Jalael OC. Once, he was a shy and frightened sheep, terrified of his own iniquity, but somehow he had to learn to cope, and he did so by blazing a trail with Lucifer.
1. Sinful Angel

As a forewarning, this story, like many of my bible fics, is still in pieces part, and certain things need re-working. EX: Azezel isn't a virtue, he's a cherub, and I need to figure out how that works in the story. Anyhow, it's still not bad, though not as good as my others.

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Azezel always had trouble speaking to Jalael, despite the fact that Jalael was most likely his closest friend… He particularly had trouble starting, and with saying the things that he **meant** to say… Somehow, he always ended up rambling about nothing… He'd been trying to say the same thing to Jalael since the younger angel's creation, but could never get to it… And he, a Virtue, unable to speak to a mere Angel!

Of course, Azezel was hardly the talkative type, and speaking of the problems which plagued him so he had no rest was hardly an easy task… It didn't help that Azezel had been destined to watch over the group that exemplified his very sin… God had made him, and yet, he was so sinful! It wreaked havoc on his soul, made him wild to distraction…

It was Jalael, the outspoken, who broke the silence as they lounged on chairs of purple clouds to watch God's great miracle, the sunset. "Azezel? Have I done something wrong?"

Azezel jolted, revived from his musings, and sat up, curled safely in the fetal position. Jalael propped himself up on his elbows, examining his friend with concern in his brilliant, sapphire eyes. The lakes and oceans were faded compared to the richness of Jalael's open, modest eyes.

Jalael was truly worried. Azezel had always seemed… odd around him, but lately, as it came closer and closer to the time of the creation of the first man, Azezel had become increasingly strange… Jalael did not know what he could have done, but he prayed his friend would open up to him…

"Of course not, Jalael. You're perfect," Azezel replied, sounding almost stormy. It was as if he in some way begrudged Jalael.

Jalael felt as if the words should sting, and he sat up as well, unable to relax. "What do you mean by that, Azezel?" he asked, shifting around to look more closely at Azezel. The Virtue's face was clouded.

"Only that… Jalael, I-! I… I need to tell you something," Azezel looked up suddenly, catching Jalael's eyes sharply in his own, poignant emerald ones. Those narrow, deep eyes were full of trouble, despair, even. Jalael always thought Azezel's eyes piercing and sad, now the depth of emotion they revealed was almost terrifying. Jalael was instantly attentive, as Azezel continued, his tone nearly broken.

"Please, please don't interrupt me… And you can't speak of this to anyone… I am ashamed!" Azezel moaned, a hand going to hide his face. His pale, inflamed cheeks showed through despite this weak effort. "I… Have you seen the humans – I have had visions of those for whom I shall be Virtue. They are sinful, and filthy! They are so far from God! Sodomizers, sinners! I am the Virtue of the Homosexuals!" Azezel shook with the pain of revealing the truths he hid, but this truth was nothing: it was known by all. After all, all ranks were known openly but a few, and those each presided over.

Still, Jalael, at first, thought this was all. He moved to put a hand on Azezel's shoulder, murmuring, "That's not your fault."

Azezel shook his head violently. "No, that's not… Don't interrupt, please, Jalael!" he begged.

Jalael nodded silently, rubbing Azezel's shoulder comfortingly. Azezel wiped at his streaming eyes, choking back another sob. "Jalael… It's… I've seen them, and they're vile… but I love them – but not as I should love them! I don't love them as a Virtue trying to lead them to righteousness: I love them as they do each other! Jalael, I don't understand why I was made so… So unclean!" Azezel mourned.

Jalael looked at his friend in shock, and Azezel shuddered when he looked to Jalael for support. Still, he couldn't stop the words from leaving him, now that he'd started. "I am so filthy; thoughts of them won't leave me alone and… Jalael, it's… it's worse, I think… I, that is… From the moment God made you, I have wanted you so badly! I've longed for you, lusted!" Azezel looked away fiercely, fearing Jalael's, pure, innocent, clean Jalael's, judgment. The hand at his shoulder no longer stroked comfortingly, but lay still.

There was silence for several moments, broken only by Azezel's roughly drawn breaths. Suddenly, Jalael stood, pulling Azezel to his feet. "Come with me. We'll go to God. Surely He will help you."

"It's no use," Azezel lamented. "I've pleaded with Him many times, and prayed, but all He will tell me is that it is a part of His plan, and He made no mistake, and I will understand in time… But how can a Virtue be sinful!" Azezel cried, holding Jalael fiercely.

Jalael did not know what to do, and, for once, he did not know what to say. "Azezel, I… do you really… I mean… for me?" Jalael's voice was small, and soft.

Azezel looked down at Jalael, for now that they both stood, Azezel stood nearly a foot taller than his short friend. "So much more than that…" Azezel told Jalael weakly. "But… that too. Please, don't hate me! I'll understand if you want nothing to do with me in such a way, even if you wanted nothing to do with me at all, but… it'll break my heart, though, Jalael, if you hate me for this…" Azezel's words were barely above a breath.

"I don't hate you, Azezel. I don't think I have any hate in me. I'll help you, if I can."

Azezel smiled softly, and then broke down, embracing Jalael firmly, overflowing with gratitude and hope. Jalael was perfect; he could cleanse Azezel's wicked and wanton soul.

Jalael held Azezel back, stroking the soft, downy part of his wings, as he pondered a solution. Azezel was certainly handsome, but Jalael had never thought of him in such a manner; moreover, to do so would be… wrong. Though God's laws had not yet been written on Earth, they had been scribed long ago by the Authorities. And if Azezel had truly already supplicated God, and been denied… What more could be done for him? Jalael did not know; he knew only that he would try to help with all of his resources, all of his time, all of his heart.

SsSsS

Time was an uncertain thing in Heaven, but much seemed to have passed, yet Jalael and Azezel had done nothing to rid Azezel of the feelings Azezel despised in himself. The Virtue had been rapidly descending into despair and self-loathing, growing tormented at the very sight of his pure, beloved Jalael. What's more, Jalael was beginning to find himself more and more drawn to Azezel, now that he knew Azezel longed for him… The strange look in Azezel's eyes now had a name, and a meaning, and Jalael found he couldn't stand leaving Azezel wanting when he knew a way to fix that look.

And it was because of all of this that, one morning, as God drew up the sun and angels blared trumpets announcing the act, Azezel and Jalael lay in the front of a secluded cavern, watching the brilliant show, and when Jalael realized Azezel's eyes had left the sun and focused on himself…

Because of their failures, and because Jalael hated to see Azezel so tormented, and because Azezel was sweet and attractive, Jalael eased over, letting their arms criss-cross and press faintly against each other. Azezel's eyes were terrifyingly intense in their weakness, but Azezel looked away, unable to stand looking into those wide, innocent blue eyes. He felt guilty and vile.

Jalael reached up with his other hand, gently taking Azezel's chin and turning the Virtue back to him. Azezel complied, after a moment's hesitation. "Please," he whispered softly, afraid, of what, he wasn't sure. Azezel didn't even know what he was asking for, only that he asked it…

Jalael closed his eyes softly, and that was Azezel's saving grace. He loved and loathed those eyes, looking into them was like trying to stare down a Seraphim – Azezel's eyes simply couldn't last it. His own eyes closed gratefully as he leaned forward slightly and pressed his lips to Jalael's. The innocent angel was warm and soft and tasted wonderful, like fresh mint leaves, but the essence of such a thing, not the mere physicality.

Azezel drew back after a moment of simple, wonderful contact, his own hand rising to stroke Jalael's cheek as his eyes opened slowly to admire his Jalael. Jalael seemed to understand, and let his eyes stay closed, letting Azezel caress him silently. He wouldn't allow sodomy, but this… This brought Azezel some small comfort, and it was not a hard thing or a large thing… surely this would be all right: this was mercy. God was mercy and love and forgiveness… This was not wrong. It could not be wrong.

Jalael's breathing grew soft; Azezel's forced. Azezel tore his hand away, stood and walked a few feet away to lean against the cave wall. When Jalael opened his eyes, Azezel was crying. "Azezel, are you all right?" Jalael asked, worried, as he scrambled to his feet and went to Azezel's side, resting a hand on the Virtue's shoulder once more.

Azezel shook very slightly – it was only visible in the tips of the feathers of the wings, and could just barely be felt. "Jalael… Thank you so much, for everything you've done for me… But it's just… It's not enough! And I know it's costing you to give as much as you have! I don't want to take advantage of your generosity… I'd hate myself more if I did! I just – it's just –" Azezel choked on his words. "I can never have what I want, no matter what I do. And I appreciate what you're doing, but knowing as I do we can allow little more, if that, it's just… Just this, only this, is a tease… I should be satisfied but I'm just- not!" Azezel left suddenly.

Jalael thought to go after him, but slowly decided not to… There was nothing he could do, and he knew Azezel could barely stand to see him, knowing there could be nothing more between them.


	2. Standard Bearer

When Lucifer first approached Azezel with the plan of Rebellion, the weary Virtue was doubtful and unsure, and had promised nothing, but that he would think on it. Think he had. He had thought heavily. God had already as good as damned him… what did he have to lose? He was an angel crafted in sin and wretchedness, would it hurt to go that last step? He pondered this, withdrawing even more deeply into himself.

Jalael continued worrying about his friend, for they had not spoken more than a few words in passing since he had allowed Azezel a chaste kiss in the caverns. He could still see the longing in Azezel's eyes when the corrupt and terrified Virtue looked upon him, but he saw now that other considerations plagued his friend as well.

It was not until Michael presented the heavenly host with Adam and bid them bow that his mind was cleared: not until he saw how Lucifer truly wanted to remain with God, and fought for necessity, not foolishness, that Azezel's mind was made. As Lucifer backed away from God with the pointing finger of an accuser, Azezel boldly stepped forward and demanded, "Why should the son of fire kneel before the son of clay?"

For the first time since his creation, Azezel was bold, liberated at the realization that his beloved God was, perhaps, not just. That God was, perhaps, capable of being wrong. He did not love God the less, but he could now argue as with a friend, rather than scrape and beg as follower.

The heavens were shocked at Azezel's newfound spine, and Lucifer smiled weakly back at Azezel, glad to have support verbalized, rather than simply the knowledge that, behind him, many stood and would not kneel after hearing his words.

After that, Lucifer and those who would follow Him left to ground where they might assemble and plan a proper attack on the untested King of Heaven. Before Azezel left, he sought out Jalael, truly happy for the first time he could remember.

"Jalael! Join us! Jalael, God isn't perfect! We don't have to be!" Azezel yelled triumphantly, tugging Jalael into his embrace. Jalael shook at the blasphemy. Things were happening too quickly, and he did not know what to do: he wanted peace, not strife!

"Azezel, I can't. Please… Don't ask me. He's our Maker, Azezel! How can we fight Him?" Jalael pleaded, actually trembling.

Azezel sobered, hating himself once more for causing Jalael pain. How could he… He should have known sweet, perfect Jalael would not rebel. He was almost hostile, yet regret outweighed this for the moment. He pulled Jalael into a warm, sedated embrace, already sure it would be the last he would have for a long time…

"Of course… I'm so sorry, Jalael. Then… Good bye. I love you, and I will… I will hope for your safety," Azezel said, unable to offer prayers. He'd always felt hypocritical in praying, anyhow.

"I will pray for you, Azezel," Jalael offered, and Azezel nodded slowly.

"Please," Azezel murmured, drawing back to look at Jalael's pure face one last time…

Jalael closed his eyes, and Azezel leaned in and took a kiss, this time bold, though he would go no further than a kiss. But he would make this kiss count: chastity he was no longer concerned for himself over, but for Jalael's sweet sake… It had been quite a revelation, seeing the greatest of them, Lucifer, begging God, and being denied so cruelly. Azezel drew away slowly, his breathing deep, and Jalael's eyes slid open slow and wide staring at Azezel as if frightened by what the Virtue had become.

As ever, Azezel could hardly stand to see those magnificent eyes cast on him, and in such a look! He fled to join Lucifer and his army, grateful for what he'd taken, if regretful for Jalael's sake. His lips still tingled…

With Lucifer, Azezel found the courage to speak openly of his trouble, and acceptance despite it. He was allowed to be unclean without persecution. He was liberated, and that feeling was worth anything in the world – even the loss of his beloved Jalael he could stand for his freedom, though he missed Jalael sorely.

Azezel was given the position of standard-bearer, fitting given that he now made no secret of his lust. He feared the war and was eager for it, and grateful when the armies clashed that he saw no sign of Jalael.

Lucifer fought alongside His armies; God merely watched. Therefore did Azezel feel vindicated in his decision to join Lucifer. The battles were many and hard fought, and by their conclusion was Heaven made a wasteland of dead and dying angels, blood and debris and horrors that made both armies quake. At last, the final war was waged, and God and Lucifer fought. The Heavens stood still to watch the most epic, heart-wrenching battle that would occur from the dawn of time till the apocalypse.

Tears ran down Azezel's face as he watched Lucifer fight, and he raised his sword and cheered for the Morning Star, as did many others of Lucifer's army. The vicious angels of the Lord, having been thrust back many times before and desperate for a victory, took advantage of the spectacle and attacked Lucifer's host as they watched.

Azezel screamed as the sword of Power lanced through his side, his cry mingling with Lucifer's. As each sword pierced, this battle, unlike any other, the attacker and attacked merged briefly and saw in each other's minds, and as Heavenly swords pulled free of the followers of the Voice, Lucifer's host fell from the Heaven's, defeated, their advantage lost.

Azezel woke in the sulphurous lake and rose as he heard Lucifer call out to His fallen host. He joined the others in work to create a palace to serve them as a residence, taking heed of Lucifer's words, "the mind is it's own place, and in itself can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n," (Milton, _Paradise Lost_ 254-255) for had he not made a Hell of Heaven for himself? So Azezel was resolute that this place, however despicable, he would grow to prefer to Heaven, so superficially perfect, crawling with lies and detested truths. At least this place was open and honest, one could say safely they hated it – but to live in Heaven and profess displeasure was near to blasphemy.

After the gleaming, wondrous Palace had been erected, the Fallen Angels commenced to the great hall to speak of what they should seek as their next objective. Suggestions were made, and the ultimate decision was to thwart God's happiness by causing the humans, his prized creations, suffering, and to claim for themselves the souls of those who could not live perfectly enough to enter Heaven – thus, all.

Once this was decided, the Infernal Legions split to their own occupations. Azezel sought out Lucifer. "My Lord, may I speak with You?" he asked of the greatest of them all, his hero and savior.

Lucifer's smile was a weak one, but He smiled for His companion nonetheless. "Go on, Azezel."

"My Lord, I don't for a moment regret following You, not an instant, but… But Jalael is still in Heaven, and I in this Hell. My Lord…" Azezel's affirmation of his loyalty was eager, but he slowed as he reached the point of his conversation, becoming shy as he once was, fearing he would be misunderstood.

"I have no doubt of you, Azezel. Moreover, I would not be such a tyrant as My God and begrudge you your heart's desires. I understand how you feel, Azezel, split from your love so." Lucifer laid a hand on Azezel's shoulder, and Azezel looked up at Lucifer, remembering how the Morning Star loved the God He fought, and feeling foolish. "You wish to know if you will ever see him again, right?"

"Yes, My Lord."

Lucifer sighed, thinking. "Yes, you will. And not too long from now, as time goes, if all proceeds along the most likely course, though now that I've Fallen, there's free choice, and it is more difficult for Me to tell… But you will see Jalael again eventually: that much is sure. I must warn you, though, if all does go as most likely, he will not be the Jalael you now know."

Azezel nodded. "Thank You, my Lord. How so will Jalael be changed?" Azezel asked, curious.

Lucifer shook His head. "That is not My story to tell you. You will have to ask Jalael himself, in time."

Azezel nodded slowly. "Very well. Thank You, my Lord."

"Azezel?"

"Yes, my Lord?"

"My calling is Lucifer. I will not be a dictator like My God."

Azezel was quiet a moment then nodded. "Thank You, Lucifer."

Lucifer's work as the earthly time progressed bore fruit: the city of Enoch. With the creation of this portal city, any of Hell's host could visit the earth to wreak havoc, likewise did the angels of Heaven. Samael led the angels in Heaven to take wives from the humans, and Azezel led the Fallen in Hell to cause corruption and chaos.

Samael and his kind bred the Nephilim, destructive giants, and Lucifer laughed as they furthered His cause. Azezel made love with the males, taught the females to paint themselves and enhance their beauty, and gave the humans weaponry under the pretense of protection from the Nephilim, when he knew his tools would be utilized for strife.


End file.
